college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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