I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
