New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
