Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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