I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I love having hate sex.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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