My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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