I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
