OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
im six kinds of drunk right now
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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