Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
