yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i want to swaddle you in tequila
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
