We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
