What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
