My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
