Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
