Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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