His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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