he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
