I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you will always have a special place in my vag
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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