I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
