did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
