Girls should come with a carfax report
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
