just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
