The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
