my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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