you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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