I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
