Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
