her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
