Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
