fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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