As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
