I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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