can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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