I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
