even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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