it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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