Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
ugly people sure do ruin things
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
