The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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