Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
