mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
love makes seman taste better
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
