he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
