I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
How external is "for external use only"?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
