He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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