Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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