I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
