I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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