Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
