so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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