I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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