We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
