let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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