then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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