Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
