Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
